I don't usually arrange sex via text message
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
