Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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