Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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