it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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