Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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