yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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