Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
