Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
