ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
