That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
