Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize