so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
