When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
