i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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