thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I want her autograph on my taint
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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