I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I touched a dick in church today
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
