yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
