I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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