that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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