sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize