I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
