You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
