Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
