oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
