Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
