**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
