I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize