My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
