Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
