I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
