Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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