The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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