We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
