And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
