i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Randomize
