If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
