i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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