No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
