hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
