Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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