you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
