So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
