I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
