I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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