I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Let the clothes fall where they may.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
