They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
