Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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