She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
