This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize