I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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