South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
