I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
