saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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