I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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