hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
