She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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