She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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