He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
