i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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