See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
