I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
