I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
