so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
