Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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